Day One:Week One

Well who would have thought when you ask the hard questions, and speak your mind, you get answers you weren't sure you were ready to deal with. I have so many things to think about, but I feel this sense of relief like no other. Hearing what I heard today made me feel better. Why then was I so afraid to ask these questions? I guess because mingled with that sense of relief, is a sense of anger and resentment towards people I would never have thought to resent. I have a lot more questions to ask. I expect pain, hurt, anger, and lots of tears. But that is what this week is for. To gain closure so I can move on with my life in a positive direction. Only by getting closure can I begin to change my thought process and in turn my life. So I am going to challenge myself to keep speaking my mind, and asking the hard questions. The answers may bring heartache, but at the same time I know that is what I need to hear.

To my big brother I never met.
I never knew you, but I know I would have loved you. Hearing your story was painful for me to hear. My hearts aches and longs to have known you. I know one day I will see you in heaven. I can't wait to meet you. I know that what has happened was what God had willed. I am glad you didn't have to live in this world, I just wish you hadn't suffered. I can't help but wonder what you would look like, or what your personality would be. It is best that it worked out this way. I thank God for what I know of you, even without meeting you.